Strange Pillow Talk
by Tazo
Summary: A war weary soldier and one who has never known war's terror must find a way to release their stress. And the one who has never seen the dogs of war unleashed finds that she is more like her father than even she may suspect. PxI


There was silence in the dark room for a while, save for the hum of ventilation and their panting as they waited for the flush of orgasm to die down. A sliver of moonlight through a curtained window cast light in the room only bright enough to reveal two figures lying naked in the bed.

In the light of the small fire, a pair of lips clenched around a cigarette was revealed, over shadowed by a nose with a bandage taped across it. Two days worth of facial hair growth was in evidence on his chin and upper lip.

"Can I light mine off of that?" a feminine voice asked from beside him. The man obliged. As he moved the flame towards her, he illuminated a pair of lips wrapped around a small cigar, with a dark, noble nose above it.

"Ever the virgin lady to the last?" Captain Bernadette asked as he flipped the lighter shut and tossed it on the bedside table next to him.

"It's important," Sir Hellsing responded, puffing on her cigar. "I don't expect you to understand why, or even to care."

Pip shrugged in the darkness. "None of my business, really. I just find it amusing that you allow everything up to penetration. Apparently it's not sexual pleasure you find intrinsically bad."

"My father always said that you had to find a way to deal with the stress," Integra said. "He did much more than what I'm doing, but he had more stress to deal with."

"Oh? Do tell."

"World War two," Integra explained. "Without him, the war would have been lost. The destiny of a nation, no, the destiny of the free world would weigh heavy on any man. Even one as strong as my father."

"How very humble of you," Pip replied, grinning and exhaling the smoke through his teeth. "I was unaware that my land was overrun by Third Reich vampires. Why didn't America respond with its ultimate Nazi killing weapon, the Ark of the Covenant?"

"Don't joke," Integra said. "There was a vampire production program in place by the Nazis. They never got farther than ghouls, but if they had put them on the battlefield, it's likely the Allies would never have been able to hold the line. You would not be alive today to make stupid jokes if it hadn't been for him."

"Ahhh. Supernatural nasties in warfare. Guess that makes sense." Pip tapped his cigarette off into a nearby ashtray. "Has it occurred to you that these artificial vampires you hired us to help fight are being made for the same reason?"

"…The thought had crossed my mind, yes."

"Then let me ask you something," Pip said, turning slight so he could half see here in the darkness. "Are you ready for war? Really ready? I'm not asking you as the mercenary you hired to fight for you, or the French professional you hired to give you oral sex so you can blow off some steam, or even as the man who actually might come to enjoy this post and care about the people at the organization.. I'm asking you as another leader, who wants to be sure that his people are being lead by someone who isn't incompetent. So," he took a drag on his cigarette and let the smoke float up into the moonlight. "Are you ready for war?"

Integra glanced at him sideways. "Of course I am," she said.

Pip shook his head. "You've never been to war."

"That doesn't mean-"

"Let me finish," Pip said. "I'm not your pet vampire that you can order to go away when he annoys you. And no, you can't fire me because you know that you need me." He took a drag on his cigarette. "You've hunted all your life. You've dealt with terrible shit, just like everyone else in this household. I don't doubt that you're a strong person. You might even be a stronger person than me, but you aren't ready for war." He stared hard at Integra. "No one is ready for war, Sir Hellsing. No one. My family has been doing it longer than yours has been hunting vampires and I wasn't anywhere near ready for it."

Integra was silent for a while. "You're a very perceptive man, Captain Bernadette," she finally said.

"It's the missing eye," Pip said as he stubbed the cigarette out and got out of bed. Integra didn't bother to hide her interest as her eyes roamed around the area of his buttocks. "Makes all the other senses work better," he explained as he pulled on his pants.

"I don't need to tell you that what we do doesn't leave the two of us," Integra said.

"No, you don't," Pip said as he walked towards the door, pulling on his shirt. "If it did, we wouldn't be able to do it any more." He stopped at the door, his hand on the knob. "I've been at war much longer than you, and God knows that I need to relieve the stress. Anyone who doesn't…"

"They break," Integra finished. "And that's where people like what Alucard was come from."

"Hatred and fighting without any sort of love," Pip said, shaking his head. "It's the human things we do that keep us from being monsters. The good parts, and the bad," he finished as he walked out the door.


End file.
